Quietly Exhausted

Quietly exhausted - a deep state of mental, physical, and emotional depletion that happens when you carry too much stress for too long without enough recovery.
Common Signs
• Unrefreshing sleep or inability to sleep. 
• Emotional numbness: Things that once brought you joy, hobbies, or social talks feel flat or uninteresting. 
• Functioning on autopilot: You still go to work, answer messages, meet responsibilities, but you feel completely detached on the inside.
• Low patience and high irritability: Small delays or minor annoyances feel disproportionately heavy.

I'm silently exhausted, but still showing up every single day.
Life has been hitting me from every direction.  Family.  Home.  Ranch.  Animals.  Responsibilities.
My body is exhausted.  My mind won't shut off.  And emotionally?  I'm running on fumes.
I love the life I've built.  I love our home in the Glade, our little ranch, and every four-legged soul depending on me.  But it often feels like too much.
You can be grateful for your life and still be overwhelmed by it.
Just because someone carries it well doesn't mean it isn't heavy.

Monday 10/12 - It was hard to tell if Monita had gotten any better overnight.  Although, she seemed to have improved her coping techniques.  She still wasn't eating on her own, but if I held the bowl of wet food under her chin/nose, she would lick the gravy off.  She didn't seem able to chew and would spit the larger meat chunks out.  

Monita continued to act confused and wanted to stay hidden.  She was walking a little better, but still falling over to her left and she could not climb or jump to get up on the furniture.  She mostly hid out under it.  At least she was still able to use the litter box.  



I tended to spend a lot of time (which I really didn't have) watching and worrying about Monita.  My big concern was that we were leaving for a week on Thursday and I didn't want to leave a 'sick' cat for Karen (my pet sitter) to deal with. 

I took time off from cat worries and went to the gym and then for a ride with Karen and Bonnie.  I was on Amiga and returned to the barn early, both for Amiga and so I could get back home. 

It was hard to focus my attention on my to-do list while also keeping an eye on Monita.  I was 'hand feeding' her every 4 or 5 hours and watching for improvement.  Karen dropped by to check out Monita and get dog and cat care instructions.  Cookie and Dan's cats had been added to her usual duties.

 

After dinner, Monita had made her way over to the philodendron, but it didn't appear that any leaves had been nibbled.  However, to keep all cats safe, especially while we would be out of town, I wrapped the bottom where the philodendron grows, in a plastic sheet. 
The plant in the front entry way got the same treatment.  
I communicated with my three 'pet' (including chickens and horses) care people.  I couldn't focus on packing and went to bed early to read.  I am trying to finish my hardback so I can take a paper back on our travels.

Tuesday 10/13 - I was up at 2:45, my mind going over so many things I needed to decide on and do before leaving Thursday afternoon.  Monita did not seem any better and I was thinking I should take her to the vet.  
After sunup, a large hawk came swooping through and landed in the tree outside my office window.  








Then I noticed down below, Shadow looking up at the hawk.  I wondered who was hunting who?  

 

I was meeting Bonnie to ride at 9am, but went out to the ranch early to do chores for Patty.  Since I was going to be out there anyway, I thought I'd help her out.  

 

We enjoyed the beautiful fall morning and had a lovely ride.  I took a photo of Bonnie getting ready to take my photo.  

 
It was heating up by the time we got back to the barn.  

Once home I had lunch and then tried to finish my hardback book so I could travel with #4, the next in the series, which I had in paperback.  I had made an appointment to take Monita to the vet, so was fretting about that and just biding my time before going.







I took Monita to the vet.  Two doctors looked at her and both believe she most probably has an inner ear infection. Her ears were cleaned and she was given an anti-nausea medication, which will help her eat better.  She basically has what we call vertigo, and feels like she’s walking on a rocking ship.  She does look like a drunken sailor.  

Monita's been put on medicated ear drops & antibiotics.  Hopefully this will do the trick.  I feel really bad that Karen has to deal with administering this while we are gone. 

I had to hustle to the ranch to do afternoon chores.  Luckily all the horses were very cooperative and no extra time was needed for horse wrangling.

I finished my hardback but didn't get any packing done before crashing for an early bedtime.

Wednesday 10/14 - I was up early to feed Monita, walk dogs, and continue planning my packing list.  

I had morning chores at the ranch, but first ran to Patty's for a suitcase and to drop off dog food, to Karen's for horse halters, and to Food City for cat supplies and some human food too.  





The Pasos started making their way to the paddock for breakfast when they saw me.  
I distributed Fly Predator while they ate, then walked Rico down to the barn.  

Bonnie and I had planned another ride, not that I had time, but Rico needs the work and I needed the horsey break/therapy.  

We went nearly 4½  miles on another beautiful fall morning.  The horses did very well even though it was new trail for Rosco and had been a long time since Rico had been back in the Dorchester golf course area.  This is a photo of a ginormous spider in its web I almost rode through.

I was home before noon and started right in on packing.  I had lots to organize: Britney's bag of things she had mailed here and some winter clothes she leaves here, my wedding outfit (found out the ceremony would be outside), a big suitcase to go with Joe, cooler and snacks to also go with him, and my overnight bag with computer and clothes for Courtney's.  




I was also finalizing pet care.  Neighbor Susan dropped by.  She will be walking dogs early morning and feeding them breakfast.  I also continued monitoring Monita and trying to get her to eat.  Notice her head tilting left in this photo.  

Laundry, phone calls, texting, and writing notes were included with packing (getting pills, jewelry, toiletries, and clothing picked out and stowed).
I took a break to watch Survivor with Joe.
   

Thursday 10/15 - After blogging, I typed and sent a pet care note to Susan and Karen.  
Monita was still only able to lick (not chew) her food but was still showing improvement.  
I got all the items to go with Joe packed into the SUV.  Once Joe was off, I hit the gym for a full workout, and got back home two hours later.  





In no time I was on my way to the ranch, eating lunch as I drove.  I mucked and got the corral ready for over-nighters that are expected Saturday.  
I left my car parked in the drive and cleaned the garage because this is where Cookie will be spending her days until Patty takes her and Maggie home late Monday.  

This is a close-up of the previous photo.  Cookie loves her tire bed.

I cleaned house a little and did some pet care, including giving (forcing) Monita her meds.

By the time I had showered, cleaned some food out of the refrigerator (eating some of it) and took the dogs on a walk, Patty arrived to pick me up.  I sat down in her car, feeling exhausted but prepared to leave home for a week.  I hoped all the pets would not be too much trouble, and would all be healthy while we were gone. 

A Picture's Worth

In the interest of too much verbiage, I'm going to try to keep it short and let the photos do the talking for this post.  

You know the idiom, A picture's worth a thousand words.

The expression means that a single visual image can tell a rich story much faster and more effectively than a long written or spoken description.
• Quick clarity: A picture lets people understand a scene or concept all at once.
• Deep detail: One photo can contain emotional layers, context, and information that would take pages of writing to describe.

Friday 10/9 - Breakfast at Flossmoor, not Tiffany's. 
The dogs were 'parked' just outside the kitchen (dinning room), a command I give them while we are at the table eating.  Monita however, is planning her entry here, needing to get past the dogs.  

Driving past the new Druid club house, with Cookie riding shotgun, as we headed to Dollar General and Family Dollar on our way to the ranch.







We were in search of a long sleeve shirt/jacket for Ava because she had not packed any for her visit.  It was cooling off and was to get colder when Hurricane Isaias moves northeast across TN.  But, neither store sells clothing anymore.

First priority, ride Zorro.
Ava helped me lead him down to the barn.
Rico had started 'hollering' for him and continued to do so the whole time Zorro was gone.  


Zorro was very well mannered the whole time.  


Ava (and Patty) helped get him ready to ride.  


Waiting on the mounting block in anticipation...






...while I did a little groundwork with Zorro, the very patient horse.


The saddle was a great fit for Ava and Zorro.









We did have to switch out Ava's rain boots for her tennis shoes for better comfort and fit in the stirrups.  




Posing for some photos and then we were ready to hit the trail.  



These next few photos are from all these (videos) Patty took.  

When we got to the gate by Mike and Quanie's back pasture corner, I took these photos.  



















After you ride, you need to un-tack, brush the horse, and put everything away.  

I walked Zorro up to the paddock and exchanged him for Amiga while the 'kids' did some hunting (digging) for worms.  







They couldn't find much bait (a small worm and some grubs) but made do.  Ava's first fish was big, but they were unable to land it (video).

Ava did catch a smaller bluegill and Patty helped her bring it in while Ava netted it.  

I took Amiga out for a short little ride while the fishing was going on (video).  



Then we rode over to check out the girl fishermen.

Amiga got a little grass time while Ava came to say hello.













We went into the house to get horse hair, worm guts and fish slim washed from our hands.  


Oh, and possibly some dog slobber off the lips and face.

Ava had collected eggs from our chickens, and after a snack, we went next door to see Mike and Quanie's chickens and goats.





Well Ava was more interested in the swings than the animals.  She asked, "Is this a park?"







Then (as we were discovering) when Ava really likes doing something, it is difficult to pull her away to move on to something else.  So we have to start a timer and give her X number of minutes.  






Eventually we convinced Ava it was time to go home for lunch.  It helped that I enticed her with letting Cookie sit in back with her.  

 


Not much time was spent with R&R and we were soon loaded back in Papaw's SUV going into town.  Our first stop was Goodwill for a long sleeve shirt and jacket.  These next two pictures were taken Saturday, but shows off her new (used) clothing.  

I had asked Ava what color shirt she wanted and she said green.  I thought the one with the dinosaur was perfect, until I saw it's Santa outfit.  We got it anyway. |
The cowgirl jacket was definitely a good find.



Our next destination was Centennial Park.  




Ava played on the playground climbing things, slides and swing.  


Then she saw the sand volleyball court and wanted to play in the sand.  Sure, why not?  I had planned to wash her only pair of long pants (leggings actually) that she had, anyway.  

Cookie got to run loose because the whole sand area was fenced in.  Ava and Cookie were both being silly.  

When we finally put our foot down and told Ava it was time to go, NOW, we headed home.  Cookie was again in the front seat, and looked back at us when I was unwrapping a snack for Ava.  What a face.  

  



We got home, fed the dogs and cats and then were back out the door to pick up Patty.  This sunset was happening when we arrived at Casa Grande.  My selfie with Ava wasn't bad but we blocked some of the sight.



Ava and I overate, because of all the chips they put on the table before dinner. 

We hit Food City for ice cream on the way home and then Ava and I took the dogs for a long walk which helped our digestion.

Once in our PJs, we had ice cream, watched a 30 minute kids show, and read a bedtime story before lights out.  

Ava went right to sleep and I didn't need to read long before getting sleepy.  Joe had to met a very late over-nighter at 12:30 and didn't get home until after 1am.

Saturday 10/10 - It started raining just after my 4:30am dog walk.  Ava was up at 7:30 and wanted to play with Cookie.  I required she eat breakfast first.  Play had to happen out in the garage (video) because of the rain.
  






It's a good thing we planned rainy day activities for the day.  We went to Patty's about 9am to do a craft and some baking.  Ava was modeling her 'new' clothing for Pattty.


The craft was this pumpkin that lights up.  First Ava needed to paint the whole thing orange.

I showed her a little technique, but she really didn't need much help.  







Ava did a great job of not painting on the thin strip that lights up.  

 
While the orange paint dried, we moved on to baking banana muffins.

Ava smashing bananas.













Next the eggs, which she broke open and then added.



Patty showed her how to carefully measure and add all the other ingredients.



Once it was all stirred into the bowl, the beater was used to speed up the mixing process.

  

The batter was added to the  muffin tins.









 







While the muffins baked, Ava practiced drawing a face on paper.  Once it was drawn on the pumpkin, Ava painted it black.  I forgot to take any photos of it or the finished muffins.

It was getting late, already after noon, so we scurried home to eat lunch, walk dogs, and put on our swim suits.  





Pawpa got in the water to swim and play with Ava while I took photos and (videos) and then sat in the hot tub.

However, once Joe got too cold, he went to sit in the sauna and shower so I got in with Ava because of course she wasn't ready to go. 






Ava played another 30 minutes and was getting better and better at 'swimming' and holding her breath under water.  She was not ready to go, but started to get cold, so a warm shower appealed.  But then she was not ready to get out of the shower when it was time.

We had to rush to get packed, out the door, and drop the dogs at Patty's; so we would get to Murfreesboro by dinner time.

Layla is in that 'bashful' stage and was leery of us at first.  She climbed into this basket after a bit, her safe spot I guess?










I wanted to pick her up and squeeze her, but respected her personal space and waited till she was ready to come to me.

To make this room more appealing to potential buyers, Dan and Vale had converted their dinning room into a sitting space and moved the dinner table into the kitchen.  It's nice and cozy.  








Daniel picked up Chinese and treated us to dinner.  Then Ava, Joe, and I went for a walk (in the rain) and looked at Halloween decorations.  I had no problems falling asleep tonight.

Sunday 10/11 - After a very tasty breakfast of sausage, eggs, and pancakes that Vale made; we all loaded up into our respective SUVs and headed to Dan and Vale's new house.  This photo is of us following them into River Landing Subdivision in Murfreesboro.







This is their new house, street address 4962 Sandringham.  But their mailing address will be different, and the street name may change.  

This is a view of their house from the street corner, a nice lot location for them.  
This next shot shows the back of their house, as Ava was heading home from the park. You can also see that their neighbor's house is very close to theirs.

All houses along the street are very close together, which is why the corner lots are so nice.  

I posted this map when we visited this neighborhood April 18th and had marked in red the lot where their house (sold to other buyers) was being built.  
Now I have marked in yellow the lot where their new house is, just down the street.  
This second map is a current depiction of this end of the subdivision and marked in yellow is their lot.  As you can see, the lot right behind them is not going to be built on, but is now depicted as green space.  Also the little playground is now on the opposite side of the street as the retention pond. 




Notice their street name in this second map is Lambourn Lane.  Often developers will use different temporary names for each side of the street for construction crews.

This is a view out their great room patio door.  The roof to the far left (appearing above the por-ta-potties) is a pavilion with picnic tables, right next to the playground.

 







The kitchen island and great room.  We spent a good amount of time exploring inside the house.  All four bedroom are upstairs.  


Dan and Vale counted closets, cupboards and drawers; and took many measurements, trying to plan and visualize how their stuff would fit into all the space.  









At some point Layla got a hold of my phone and took several photos.  This is the only decent one that came out, a selfie with Joe photo bombing.
 

The girls were getting antsy, so we went for a walk and to check out the playgrounds.  As we were headed to the amenity center, Ava turned back to go to the closer playground, and Joe went with her.  Layla and I continued on our way.  Here we are checking out the bank of mailboxes.  The pool is behind those evergreens in the distance.









Eventually we joined back up at the house, but headed out again to see the swings at the pool playground.  Ava made a bee-line towards them (with my permission) as soon as she saw them.  

Joe was running out of steam and getting antsy to head home.  I left him with Ava and walked the equivalent of three blocks, back to the house, to get our SUV.









I drove to the poolside playground and continued play.  Before long, Dan drove up with Vale and Layla, and picked up Ava.  They all headed back to their house...

...and we headed home to Fairfield Glade, by way of Patty's, to pick up the dogs.

I fed the cat's their can food early because they had not gotten it on Sunday.  Right away I noticed something was wrong with Monita.  Her head was tilted to the left, she was leaning to the left, and she would sometimes stumble and fall over on her left side. She barely made it into the laundry room to eat, and she couldn’t get up on the feed station.  I put her bowl on the floor.  While I was cleaning the litter box and caring for Dan’s cats upstairs, Monita had licked up all the juice and then wandered off without even eating any of the meat of the canned food. In this photo, taken an hour later, I’d added a little water to it and offered it again.  Babe (on the floor) and Mama Styx (overhead) were hoping for seconds.

It seemed like Monita might have had a stroke.  I took a look at my heartleaf philodendron, which sometimes has the leaf tips chewed on, or with teeth marks.  It is poisonous to cats but they don't eat it after tasting it.  There were a few chewed on leaves with the tips missing.  But when I did some research, she did not have the symptoms of oxalate crystal poisoning (pawing at mouth, swelling of lips, drooling and vomiting).  It also said not to induce vomiting.  The last time she was poisoned by one of my other house plants, she had all those symptoms plus convulsions and a few seizures.  In time the poison worked its way through her system and she got back to normal.

So I chose to give it time and keep a close eye on Monita.  I could not get to sleep, tossed and turned for 90 minutes, so got back up to read some more.  Poker Joe even got home and went to sleep before me.  UGHHHH!

Love this 'blast from the past' Facebook memory.  Jean took the photo of us girls enjoying us some sister time, about four years ago I believe.  I absolutely love the crisp fall air and pretty colors.  However, having the house windows open this time of year, I hate hearing the drone of leaf blowers.  It gets very annoying and blocks all the beautiful sounds of nature.  As a reminder, I'd like to say that mulching your leaves is better for your yard and raking them is better for your fitness and the environment.