Ba Chìm Bảy Nổi

Ba chim bay noi - Is Vietnamese for storm-tossed or the ebb and flow of the tide of life.  Yep, life is full of ups and downs.  Some struggles are hills, while others are huge mountains.  Courtney's battle with severe pancreatitis has been long and tough.  She is dealing with nutrition and strength issues since she is very nauseous and throwing up several times a day.  Her nutrition is low and she has become quite weak.  But the battle has also taken it's toll on her spirit.  She feels depressed at this stage of the healing process, because progress is so slow and she has already lost nine weeks of living (enjoying) life.  She feels storm tossed, with the end of this struggle still not clear.

Sunday 6/17 - I wanted to head to Nashville by noon and had several things to do first, so skipped Church.  I was at the barn just after 8am to work with Amiga.  I actually rode her to the bean field, and then on to the Holly trail, turning back for the barn just before the big hill.  She did great.

Next I worked with her on the 'parade' route.  She did much better than a few days ago and actually kept her feet still while Jean rode Shelby around the course before our second pass.  During our third go round I could tell she was starting to get a little anxious, so quit while we were ahead.

Amiga had gotten kind of sweaty, so as usual, she liked the mineral block (with salt) after our ride. 

I hurried home, walked the dog, watered the grass, got cleaned up, packed up Maggie and I, ate a quick lunch and headed to Patty's, a tad late.  Maggie got dropped off and then I made the trek to Vanderbilt in Nashville.


Right away I could see that Courtney was
worn, weary, and worried.  She was feeling no better after her surgery to remove the stent almost a week ago and had pretty much temporarily seemed hopeless.  I did get her to smile for this photo to send Britney, which was shortly after she had thrown up, which is when she feels relief from nausea.

Monday 6/18 - It had been a night of vomiting and trips to the restroom, while helicopters flew overhead on a regular basis.  I got this (video) during the day.

Courtney's team of (seven) doctors came into her room about 8:00.  After a long question and answer session (with both Courtney and I and then the team) asking and answering questions, we came up with a game plan going forward.  It was clear that Courtney would not be going home this day (and would need a few more in the hospital).  They needed to get the vomiting under better control.  They discussed slowing down the feeding rate and supplementing nutrition with the PICC line while also trying a different anti nausea drug.  Giving the pancreas more time to heal was the main focus/problem while also addressing all Courtney's physical and mental needs.

Her depression was very real and debilitating. She needed motivation, encouragement, stimulation and exercise during the day (especially while at the hospital) and company during the night when getting up to use the restroom and vomiting.  I decided I needed to stay another night.


A psychologist came to talk with Courtney and he too came up with a plan.  With so many changes in the making, Courtney was overwhelmed.  By day's end it was decided to just make two changes, feeding rate and add stomach suction.  The new tube they had put in last Tuesday was actually two tubes in one.  The feeding tube went to her jejunum and the suction tube into her stomach.
I just kind of hung out with Courtney, walking with her three different times and encouraging her to sit in a chair, watch TV, and engage in life.  She was lucky to have a large room with a decent view.  
When Mike came, I went for a long walk outside.  I caught this squirrel dumpster diving during my walk.

Tuesday 6/19 - Courtney's night was no better.  They ran the stomach suction from 8pm to 6am.  She still threw up three times, and at a much greater output than what the pump produced.  At least she slept soundly between restroom trips and bouts of vomiting.  

Part of the new game plan was getting Courtney home as soon as possible.  The doctors felt it seemed like the best idea, since Courtney has such a great network of family caring for her.  The comforts and peace of home weighed more beneficial than the care of nurses watching her vitals.  The doctors agreed, she might as well feel horrible at home vs there in the hospital. 

This ('at home care plan') was devised.  It included feeding tube at a rate of 40 mL / hour.  They wanted Courtney doing it in the hospital before going home, to make sure it (all drugs and nutrition) worked best for her. 

I left Nashville before 10:00 to get Maggie and be to work on time.  I think the dog preferred to stay with Patty, LOL.

When I got home, Phil and Travis were putting down the Fiberock, in preparation for the tile flooring.    

The sky lights were trimmed and so was the ceiling with these strips to hide the seams between the sheets of plywood.

All the siding outside was also completed.  

Joe arrived at the hospital from Las Vegas at 2:15.  

It was very hot and busy at work and I was dead tired by the time I got home, which was later than usual.  

Wednesday 6/20 - This golf course worker was cutting back and collecting cat-tail, which spreads vigorously.  I guess he was eliminating the seeds made by their flowers.  But they also have roots that creep, called rhizomes, which grow new shoots quickly.  

I hadn't seen Hobo since I left Sunday, so was kind of looking around and calling for him, but to no avail.  

I went in the crawl space to check out our new dehumidifier that had been installed while I was in Nashville.  I also thought it possible Hobo got locked in under there, but no sign of him.

It was a dreary morning leaving me somewhat un-motivated.  I finally got this Blog started, skipping Ballroom Aerobics.  I did three loads of laundry, went grocery shopping, took the dog on a long walk, spoke with our contractor and the workers, chatted with neighbors, and wondered and worried about Courtney.  

I helped organize our first pool party of the summer, so went to that at 3:15.  We had a great turn out even with a few minutes of a sprinkle around 4pm.  The food was great and because it was so warm out, the pool was perfect.  

I was also glad when I got this text from Courtney "busted out!!"  She had been released at 5pm.  Mike took her home and Joe met up with Daniel.  They shopped for a lawn mower, our house warming gift to Dan and Val.  I went to bed feeling the storm had calmed somewhat.

Thursday 6/21 - Working here at my computer on my Blog, Monita did her usual interference.  I have to make sure she doesn't step on my keyboard so I let her lie on my papers.

Joe reported that Courtney had not had a great night (still repeated vomiting) and he would stay with her until Mike got home from class late afternoon.





Monita is a bit possessive of the mouse, and will do this when I try to use it.  She usually bites my hand also.

I opened up at the pool a little early having some extra cleaning duties from after the party.  The weather was questionable and it did start raining while my one and only swimmer was doing her laps.  I got word to close down until later notice, and headed home.  We never did re-open.

It was lunch time and Phil and Travis were cleaning up for the day.  The gray seam work on the floor needed to dry.

I have no idea what I did all afternoon, other than read the paper, which this photo and (video) reminded me about.  As usual, Monita ran interference in an effort to get me to play or give her some lovin'.


I have been busy with sunroom construction plans, rectifying the new dehumidifier installation, pool e-mail list for party info, checking in on Courtney, and planning for our family gathering.  So I probably worked on some of these things.

A few of us ladies met at the barn to work on parade practice.  Patty took this photo of Zorro at another time when she was there working with him.
I tied Amiga to her stall so she could get used to the idea of being tacked there.  I also messed with this blanket on her to simulate the skirt I would be wearing.

 









She did just fine with both new things.

Then I rode with the blanket tied around my waist and draped down Amiga's back and she was okay with that, although it did make her get rather hot.  Some circuits of the two minute route went pretty well, and others I couldn't get Amiga to settle into a nice smooth gait.

She was hot when we got done so next I tried Karen's leg wraps on Amiga.  The vet said to test them on the ground before riding with them on.  I had put her in the pony pen and she was walking funny at first.






Next thing I know, she is scratching, big time, on the fence.  Silly horse.  So when I brought her back in to the barn, I cleaned her belly well and the insides of her back legs.  I also put coconut oil in the dock of her tail.

Courtney's update indicated she was still battling a lot of nausea and vomiting and just too tired to do any walking or much sitting.

Friday 6/22 - Was shopping day so I left for town fairly early.  Not only did I need to get household goods, supplies, and food, I also had to pick up more paint, buy a screen door, fan, and two lights, and try to find something that would work for a costume for the parade of horses.  We were thinking Spanish lady gaucho.

I picked out and purchased almost everything but the fan.  At the Second Chance thrift store I bought a round table cloth and some white sash curtain things to start off my costuming.  My skirt needed to be slit up the front so I could sit in my saddle.

No workers had shown up all day.  I thought they were going to start painting, but I guess plans changed.  I had just bought a new Crape Myrtle, so went out front to replace the one that had died.  I barely got done before a storm hit.

Michelle was back in town and had dropped by and we decided to go together to R-Place (per Donna's invite) for Jeff Allen.




Debbie, Donna, Michelle, and I.


Look out, the New Charlie's Angels are in town ! LOL





We had a fun time and all of us danced a lot.
It was nice to enjoy life and unwind a little.

Saturday 6/23 - It was overcast and threatening of rain and I have no idea what I did all morning.

This is the new Crape Myrtle I had planted.  

When I went into work at 1:30, I was surprised at how many people were at the pool on kind of a crummy day.  It was only in the low 80's but the humidity was at 90%.  It got very cloudy and the wind picked up and people cleared out so I thought I would be able to go home early.  But I had customers until 6:45.

I am always too tired to do anything when I get home from an afternoon of work at the pool.  The 'storm' was still raging within Courtney's body and I tossed and turned when I went to bed.

Finding Peace

Find peace to replace worry.  Don't worry about things that may never happen, deal with them when they occur.  Jane Savoie - "Knowing the odds are in our favor doesn't always comfort us when our sense of safety or good health has been rattled."  When we or a loved one experiences a long term sickness, or anything that may be what we consider a close call or brush with death, it rattles our feelings of security on a level that is very deep.  "Whether you have a particular spiritual belief or just use logic to examine the sheer numbers that the gamble of life holds in your positive favor, we still worry.  But it won't help you or your loved ones stay safe.  Worry holds no power except to keep you unbalanced."  I put my faith in God, that all will be well.  I let it go (or try to).  And if something disastrous happens, I'll deal with it when the time comes.  Worrying won't make a difference.  "So why borrow trouble from a future that may never come to pass?  Real difficulties can be overcome.  It's only the imaginary ones that are insurmountable."   J. Savoie.

Sunday 6/10 - Maggie's tail was showing signs of getting better because she was lifting it up a little bit, when she got excited.  However, squatting still seemed difficult for her.

I skipped Church not wanting to sit by myself again (Shirley was out of town).  Knowing it was supposed to rain and I would be going to Nashville later in the day, I was out in the yard by 9:00 to plant grass seed.



We had had a pop-up shower with water collecting on the porch floor in one spot where the door is yet to be hung.  So I put a tarp over the doorway.

Out in the yard I did some weeding and then moved more moss to the shady hill behind the bench.  I added dirt to the additional low spots I had created, raked all bare spots and put down grass seed.  A light cover of dead grass and leaves was last, to help keep the seeds moist and from getting eaten.  Below is a before and after photo of the mossy area on the hill behind the bench.

Joe was off to his card game mid-afternoon.  I worked in the yard until the dinner hour.  By the time I fed the critters, ate, showered and packed an overnight bag, it was after 7:00 when I left for Nashville.

The drive went well, but had caused me to worry somewhat.  I got to Vanderbilt without a delay, other than a gas stop, but then had difficulties figuring out which garage would be best to park in.  Then I had to enter the hospital through the emergency entrance, getting my bags searched in the process.  Courtney was asleep when I got to her room, and soon I was too.

Monday 6/11 - Helicopters had been landing two floors above us all night so I got a photo of one in the morning.  Courtney's night went okay.  She slept well between the every two hour vitals checks and trips to the bathroom.  Vomiting started up at 5am and continued throughout the day though.  She did have a visitor from work, which was very nice.  But not having nutrition since last Tuesday night (when her feeding tube clogged), she had no energy and slept between trips to the bathroom and bouts of throwing up.  Also, she had quite a bit of swelling in her abdomen from retention of fluid from all the IV liquid they had been pumping into her.  She had developed a low grade fever and was put on an antibiotic.  She was also getting Magnesium and Potassium.

Courtney had been taken off the blood thinner Heparin early in the morning, with the hopes of having surgery a day early.  But by the time I left for home, she was getting put back on it.

I couldn't believe traffic was already getting thicker in Nashville at 3:00, but it was moving along fine.  However, when I got to Peavine, traffic was stopped.  It made me a bit late, so I quickly walked the dog and fed all the critters and then headed to Mirror Lake Blast.







Patty had a seat saved for me, and Mary was with us also.  The Jeff Allen band was enjoyed by everybody, and several were up dancing from the start, and many more by night's end, which unfortunately was only 8 pm.

Tuesday 6/12 - I hadn't gotten a photo of the sunroom progress so took this picture.  Nothing had been done on the inside, but trim and siding was completed on this one side.  

I was at the barn by 8:00 to get Amiga and Zorro 'corralled' so they would be ready when the vet arrived.  Gov went first so I rode Amiga for a minute to see how she felt.  

Meanwhile, in Nashville, Courtney was in surgery to have the stent from her pancreas to her stomach removed and her feeding tube replaced.


While waiting for Gov's tranquilizer to take effect, Zorro got his shot, after I had given him Bute earlier.  While Gov's teeth were being floated, I got Zorro out and walking/jogging (video) around to get his blood flowing.

Amiga was up next and we determined that her lameness issues are with the old suspensory ligament injuries, with scar tissue there and arthritis in her joints.  I was given several suggestions for treatment and prevention of pain, and also the go ahead to ride.  Amiga needs to lose 50 lbs, and get muscled back up, so I'll start slowly with that.

I got word from Joe in Nashville.  The doctor said the procedure had gone well.  What they could see inside Courtney looked good.  The new GI tube is a little larger, which should reduce risk of clogging again.  We hoped the nausea would be reduced since the stuff from the pancreas is no longer draining into her stomach.

I worked at the pool 2-7.  As I was leaving the Conference Center after dropping off the deposit and accounting bag, I saw this Mama skunk escorting her four babies across Stonehenge Drive.  They were different varieties of black and white.  So cute.  I had a quiet evening at home.

Wednesday 6/13 - Courtney's nose and throat were still sore and the larger feeding tube a little more irritating to have in.  She also had started vomiting again.

After Ballroom Aerobics and a wimpy workout, I went to the Farmers Market and got a donut and some veggies, and then to Food City.  These two photos show the work completed on Tuesday.  All the outside is done, except the door hung.  And below, the inside window molding has started to go up.







I continued to water the grass seed on the hill down to the pond.  A few pop-up showers were helping, but not enough.

I took Maggie on a long (and hot) walk.  Her tail is 'perking up' even more.  But it still doesn't stand up all the way as usual.

I met Linda at the barn about 5:00 so her two grandkids could meet Amiga and Zorro.  







They brushed both horses and then Ty got a ride on Amiga.  Jan was also at the barn and gave Sariah a ride on Cash.  Amiga was not listening well at all.




Once they had had their horse fill and departed, Jan and I rode together with Betty who had rode in on her horse.  Betty had to head back before too long because the sun was setting.  Then Jan and I rode around the barn, practicing for the July 3rd Parade of Horses.  Amiga was really wound up and worked up a sweat.

I was home at dusk, and soon to bed.  No workers had come so there was no progress to show on the sunroom.

Thursday 6/13 - Monita sharing my mouse pad at some point during the day.  I opened at the pool so left home at 8:40, before the workers came.  I worked hard doing extra good cleaning so the first two hours went fast.  We didn't start getting busy until 11 am.  I also spent some time organizing for our bi-monthly 'Wet And Wild Wednesday's' social gatherings.

When I arrived home from the pool, I got more bad news about our house.  In preparation for the new door, this rotten board was discovered under the siding.  It is an example of more damage caused by the horribly done re-shingled roof that occurred probably ten years ago.


Thankfully, when Travis removed the rotten board, he found that the studs and insulation behind it did not need replacing.  However, he did treat for mold to prevent farther damage.



The first two photos were one's Travis took.  When I got home, the new plywood was already up.  I could see how rotten the board was that had been removed.  I find peace in knowing this re-build is done correctly.  The extra cost may not be so peaceful. 😕

With Joe gone, my first responsibility upon arriving home is to walk the dog.  It is also the last thing I do before leaving.  We went for a pretty good jaunt and I was happy to see her tail up even more.





Hobo is still really needed in the yard for critter control.  The chipmunks are everywhere.  They are awfully cute, but have holes and tunnels all over in the yard and flower beds.






After an early dinner, I went to the barn to ride and work with Amiga.  This little box turtle was in harms way so I moved him into the grass.

I rode to the bean field and back, and then practiced the 'parade' route, doing the large loop five times.  Amiga was much better but still has a ways to go.




Usually I experience peace when I am with my horse, unless I am struggling with behavior issues, which I try to work through and straighten out, so that our ride together can be one of peace.  I also lose my peace to worry when Amiga is having physical problems.  That too I try to figure out and deal with.  Her recent lameness issues are getting resolved.  The sun could be seen setting between the two barns as I drove off.

Friday 6/14 - I was thinking I should go to the gym, but when Patty asked if I wanted to go to Sherwin Williams paint store for their 45% off sale, I knew that was more important.  I saved almost $100 but spent over $200, however, I now had five gallons of house paint and one gallon for the porch and sunroom ceilings.  I had to ask the heating and cooling guys to move their truck a little bit so I could get out of the drive.





When I arrived home, they were hanging the new door.  It will be painted, along with all the inside and outside trim.


The heating and cooling guys were done.  New duct work (bottom left) in the crawl space and (bottom right) under the sunroom.

 












I took Maggie on a long walk and when I got home Travis was gone, on his lunch break.  He had been framing the skylights so I got a photo of that.

I was subbing for MJ at the pool and when I got there at 1:45, it was very busy.  Nancy stayed awhile, because it was so crazy.  My shift went fast and I was still working when the 7:00 'whistle' blew.  I finally left the pool at 7:20, not getting home for another 20 minutes.  I was going to go to the Moonlighter' monthly dance but by the time I had walked the dog, fed all the critters and showered, I had no energy or motivation left.

We had been waiting all day for Courtney's release from the hospital, but it didn't happen.  Because she continued to battle nausea and vomiting, which they thought would be better after having the pancreatic stent removed, the doctor ordered a CT scan, which still hadn't happened when I went to bed at 10:30.


Saturday 6/15 - I was up at 3:30 worried about Courtney.  Mike had posted at 12:40am that the CT scan was finally done.  Now we had to wait for the results.  Once the sun was up I got photos of the inside of the sunroom.  All the trim was done except the bottom 8" kick wall.  Travis had said that wouldn't go on until after the tile floor was completed.

I took Maggie on a nice long walk hoping to get it in before it got too hot.  But we both got quite warm during the 90 minutes we were out.  I was delighted to see that her tail is much better and standing straight up again at times of excitement.










I met Shirley and Patty at Church for our Ice cream social and picnic.  It was great to chat with them and have a tasty hot dog and yummy ice cream before going to work.

It was another crowded and busy day at the pool.  It was 7:45 by the time I got home.  After pet care I hurried outside to water the grass before it got any darker out.  The spots that are in the shade have germinated so this back hill will soon be greener.  I didn't take these photos until Sunday morning, when Hobo was following me around begging more for love than for food.  He loves me to scratch his chin.





Still waiting to hear of Courtney's CT scan results, Joe called and spoke briefly with the nurse on her floor.  They said that the scan showed no change, but we needed to talk to her doctor for any more details.  That was all I needed to know, to be a little more at peace and able to go to sleep.