Quietly Exhausted

Quietly exhausted - a deep state of mental, physical, and emotional depletion that happens when you carry too much stress for too long without enough recovery.
Common Signs
• Unrefreshing sleep or inability to sleep. 
• Emotional numbness: Things that once brought you joy, hobbies, or social talks feel flat or uninteresting. 
• Functioning on autopilot: You still go to work, answer messages, meet responsibilities, but you feel completely detached on the inside.
• Low patience and high irritability: Small delays or minor annoyances feel disproportionately heavy.

I'm silently exhausted, but still showing up every single day.
Life has been hitting me from every direction.  Family.  Home.  Ranch.  Animals.  Responsibilities.
My body is exhausted.  My mind won't shut off.  And emotionally?  I'm running on fumes.
I love the life I've built.  I love our home in the Glade, our little ranch, and every four-legged soul depending on me.  But it often feels like too much.
You can be grateful for your life and still be overwhelmed by it.
Just because someone carries it well doesn't mean it isn't heavy.

Monday 10/12 - It was hard to tell if Monita had gotten any better overnight.  Although, she seemed to have improved her coping techniques.  She still wasn't eating on her own, but if I held the bowl of wet food under her chin/nose, she would lick the gravy off.  She didn't seem able to chew and would spit the larger meat chunks out.  

Monita continued to act confused and wanted to stay hidden.  She was walking a little better, but still falling over to her left and she could not climb or jump to get up on the furniture.  She mostly hid out under it.  At least she was still able to use the litter box.  



I tended to spend a lot of time (which I really didn't have) watching and worrying about Monita.  My big concern was that we were leaving for a week on Thursday and I didn't want to leave a 'sick' cat for Karen (my pet sitter) to deal with. 

I took time off from cat worries and went to the gym and then for a ride with Karen and Bonnie.  I was on Amiga and returned to the barn early, both for Amiga and so I could get back home. 

It was hard to focus my attention on my to-do list while also keeping an eye on Monita.  I was 'hand feeding' her every 4 or 5 hours and watching for improvement.  Karen dropped by to check out Monita and get dog and cat care instructions.  Cookie and Dan's cats had been added to her usual duties.

 

After dinner, Monita had made her way over to the philodendron, but it didn't appear that any leaves had been nibbled.  However, to keep all cats safe, especially while we would be out of town, I wrapped the bottom where the philodendron grows, in a plastic sheet. 
The plant in the front entry way got the same treatment.  
I communicated with my three 'pet' (including chickens and horses) care people.  I couldn't focus on packing and went to bed early to read.  I am trying to finish my hard back so I can take a paper back on our travels.

Tuesday 10/13 - I was up at 2:45, my mind going over so many things I needed to decide on and do before leaving Thursday afternoon.  Monita did not seem any better and I was thinking I should take her to the vet.  
After sunup, a large hawk came swooping through and landed in the tree outside my office window.  








Then I noticed down below, Shadow looking up at the hawk.  I wondered who was hunting who?  

 

I was meeting Bonnie to ride at 9am, but went out to the ranch early to do chores for Patty.  Since I was going to be out there anyway, I thought I'd help her out.  

 

We enjoyed the beautiful fall morning and had a lovely ride.  I took a photo of Bonnie getting ready to take my photo.  

 
It was heating up by the time we got back to the barn.  

Once home I had lunch and then tried to finish my hardback book so I could travel with #4, the next in the series, which I had in paperback.  I had made an appointment to take Monita to the vet, so was fretting about that and just biding my time before going.







I took Monita to the vet.  Two doctors looked at her and both believe she most probably has an inner ear infection. Her ears were cleaned and she was given an anti-nausea medication, which will help her eat better.  She basically has what we call vertigo, and feels like she’s walking on a rocking ship.  She does look like a drunken sailor.  

Monita's been put on medicated ear drops & antibiotics.  Hopefully this will do the trick.  I feel really bad that Karen has to deal with administering this while we are gone. 

I had to hustle to the ranch to do afternoon chores.  Luckily all the horses were very cooperative and no extra time was needed for horse wrangling.

I finished my hardback but didn't get any packing done before crashing for an early bedtime.

Wednesday 10/14 - I was up early to feed Monita, walk dogs, and continue planning my packing list.  

I had morning chores at the ranch, but first ran to Patty's for a suitcase and to drop off dog food, to Karen's for horse halters, and to Food City for cat supplies and some human food too.  





The Pasos started making their way to the paddock for breakfast when they saw me.  
I distributed Fly Predator while they ate, then walked Rico down to the barn.  

Bonnie and I had planned another ride, not that I had time, but Rico needs the work and I needed the horsey break/therapy.  

We went nearly 4½  miles on another beautiful fall morning.  The horses did very well even though it was new trail for Rosco and had been a long time since Rico had been back in the Dorchester golf gorse area.  This is a photo of a ginormous spider in its web I almost rode through.

I was home before noon and started right in on packing.  I had lots to organize: Britney's bag of things she had mailed here and some winter clothes she leaves here, my wedding outfit (found out the ceremony would be outside), a big suitcase to go with Joe, cooler and snacks to also go with him, and my overnight bag with computer and clothes for Courtney's.  




I was also finalizing pet care.  Neighbor Susan dropped by.  She will be walking dogs early morning and feeding them breakfast.  I also continued monitoring Monita and trying to get her to eat.  Notice her head tilting left in this photo.  

Laundry, phone calls, texting, and writing notes were included with packing (getting pills, jewelry, toiletries, and clothing picked out and stowed).
I took a break to watch Survivor with Joe.
   

Thursday 10/15 - After blogging, I typed and sent a pet care note to Susan and Karen.  
Monita was still only able to lick (not chew) her food but was still showing improvement.  
I got all the items to go with Joe packed into the SUV.  Once Joe was off, I hit the gym for a full workout, and got back home two hours later.  





In no time I was on my way to the ranch, eating lunch as I drove.  I mucked and got the corral ready for over-nighters that are expected Saturday.  
I left my car parked in the drive and cleaned the garage because this is where Cookie will be spending her days until Patty takes her and Maggie home late Monday.  

This is a close-up of the previous photo.  Cookie loves her tire bed.

I cleaned house a little and did some pet care, including giving (forcing) Monita her meds.

By the time I had showered, cleaned some food out of the refrigerator (eating some of it) and took the dogs on a walk, Patty arrived to pick me up.  I sat down in her car, feeling exhausted but prepared to leave home for a week.  I hoped all the pets would not be too much trouble, and would all be healthy while we were gone.