Driven Crazy

I am driven crazy by silly little things.  But worst of all,
I drive myself crazy... by overthinking EVERYTHING!
I'm sure I drive others crazy too. 



Knowing on June 12th that I would need surgery to remove the mass from my colon, waiting ten days to learn it is cancerous, and then visiting doctors and having tests (stretched out over a long period of time), has driven me crazy. 
From Horses On A Mission - (link)  I get a bi-monthly e-mail, 'An Extra Flake' (by Maureen Gallatin).  Last week's was titled "Driving Ourselves Crazy."  It was concluded with - "Don't drive yourself crazy by thinking too much, and quit pestering God for a bigger picture. He still has the reins."  The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way? Proverbs 20:24



I like this cartoon because it reminds me that I am not the only one that gets driven crazy.

And I am so thankful that doctor's orders and findings are no longer hand written.  They all dictate their information that is stored electronically nowadays. 


I have a patient portal I can go to, to see results of a check-up or test. 


When I read through my CAT scan results, there was nothing too alarming and I saw why it was calling for the PET scan: 'Examination of the liver reveals indeterminate 1 cm low attenuation inferiorly right lobe.  Small cyst seen left lobe." 
So no worries hopefully, but glad it would be further evaluated.  Obviously the tumor was noted: 'There is an area of thickening poorly defined in the right colon. Several sub centimeter pericolic lymph nodes seen. No overt peroneal nodularity seen.'  I hoped this mass hadn't gotten too far along on growth and become too invasive.

Saturday 7/20 - I was up shortly after 2 am, unable to get back to sleep.  This drives me crazy.  So I got up and tried to get last week's blog finished, but didn't.  I also get a little crazy when I can't get my weekly post finished on time. 

I  took a two hour nap on the porch swing with Stevie and then left for the ranch before 7am to do chores.  I saw this hornet's nest in the tree along the drive, on our neighbor's side.

Once I returned home, I saw these girls napping down back when I came into the sun room to turn on my computer.  It was a cool, overcast day with little showers off and on.  I only lasted a short time at my computer and then took another nap.

I hit the gym for just an aerobic workout, so was only there 90 minutes. 




Patty picked Maggie and I up just after I got home.  I showed her how to feed Amiga the new Osteo-Max medicine and helped out with chores. 

The music at the Grove had been canceled because of rainy weather, so I  tried to finish last week’s blog.  I fought sleep while sitting here at the computer until I gave in and went to bed at 8:30.

Sunday 7/21 - Up a little earlier than usual.  I had several bug bites that were itching and driving me crazy, and where did I get all of these new bites anyway?

Shirley was not feeling well, so we skipped church, giving me extra time to finish last week's blog and start this one.  When passing through the living room (to the kitchen) I noticed two deer eating from the bird feeder.  One had turned to leave by the time I got a photo. 

The second one soon decided to move away also. 

I did a load of laundry, made my 'sack lunch' and left early to hit the ranch before my shift at the pool.

Primarily I went to give Amiga a Previcox, which can't be given with her Osteo-Max.  But while there, I did some trimming along the drive fenceline and removed roots sticking out in the newly dug ditch. 

The pool was not real crowded, and then when the skies got dark and radar showed a storm coming, almost everybody left, except three ladies, two who were fairly inebriated.  I sent this selfie to Courtney to show her what I was up to.  I was soaking wet from closing umbrellas in the downpour.

I got all my cleaning done during the storm, checking on the ladies a couple of times.  And after the storm had passed (45 minutes), I did let them get back in the pool (even though a little thunder had been heard off in the far distance).  We had the agreement that after a quick swim they needed to leave because I was closing early.  It was just after 5:30 when I was finally locking the gate. 


Patty had chores at the ranch (and was going late because of being at the Playhouse for a matinee).  It worked out well for her because the rain had stopped. 


I had asked Patty to send photos of how the barn and ditch looked after the 'gully washer.'




I was not happy to see how much water still came in the barn, although the barn doors had been open during the storm and it was blowing in from that direction. 



Patty also sent this photo of the rain gauge in the raised bed.  We got almost three inches out at the ranch.  It was reported that Dorchester had a little over two inches, but at home, we only had one inch in our gauge. 


I was pleased at how well the drive and ditch handled the heavy rainfall.





Patty sent a bunch of photos.  These three show both ends of the ditch and a middle section. 

Some silt had washed down the ditch, but at least it hadn't gotten up on the drive. 


The upper end of the ditch definitely needs some neatening up. 





Maggie was a bit of a basket case when I had gotten home.  She was home alone during the storm and still shaken up by it. 
I took her on a walk around the block after dinner and then my evening was spent doing my Sunday weekly chores.  Later I prepared questions for my meeting tomorrow, with the surgeon.  I went to bed wondering if I would sleep okay.

Monday 7/22 - It wasn't the longest or best night of sleep I would have liked to have had, but I hoped it was sufficient enough to get me through the day.

I had morning chores and went plenty early.  I first checked the ditch in front of the barn to see if water coming down the drive had run over it.  It did not appear so, which leads me to believe the heavy rain fall blew in, and then ran down the floor.

Britney had asked about me, so I sent this selfie while out dumping manure in the pile behind the dam.  Can you see Wanda in the background on the other side of the pond?  She follows me around while I work.






 

I took this photo when I went up the drive to open the chicken coop.  Little Miss Amiga is hard on fencing when she tries to get the greener grass on the other side. 

I got ready (called to see if the PET scan had been approved yet - nope 😖, showered, ate an early lunch, and packed up) for our trip to Knoxville to meet with Dr. Midis (my surgeon). 

The appointment with Dr. Midis went well.  I was thrilled to hear he can remove the section of colon with the tumor laparoscopically, and immunotherapy will also be very effective if warranted.  However,  I still have to wait on the PET scan before they’ll do the surgery, so there is no surgery date yet.  The surgery will be done regardless of the PET scan results, but helps to know if the lesion on my liver is cancerous before surgery.  Anyway, I'm once again driven crazy by the wait (for approval from insurance). 



Traffic was bad getting out of Knoxville and Joe was driven crazy by slow drivers in the left lane. 
We stopped halfway, in Harriman, to have an early dinner at Gondolier Italian restaurant.  We both had bread sticks, salad, and then the Italian Sampler - with chicken Parmesan, Manicotti, lasagna, and spaghetti.  I could only eat a third of it and still felt like I was going to explode.

We watched a Clint Eastwood documentary before bed.

Tuesday 7/23 - I had totally forgotten it was Britney's birthday until after lunch, so sent her this GIF real quick.

I shut Stevie in the office/cat room while I'm here at my computer every morning and some nights.  This gives her some snuggle time with me.  This morning she chose to go nap in the cat tower cubby.

I was at the ranch a little after 8:30 to give Amiga a Previcox.  Bonnie was there, for the first I've seen since she fell off Cowboy nine weeks ago.  She was doing great.  By the time I was getting in the car to go to work at the pool, I got a text from Abby, that because of the rainy day, the pool would be closed all day. 

Not working just bought me almost five hours of time.  I came home, had a protein snack, and sat here at my computer until I got too sleepy. It drives me crazy when I get so tired.  I proceeded to take a 40 minute nap, and woke feeling somewhat more lively. 

I was off to the gym.  My three hours there were spent with more chat and rest time than usual, intermixed with some hard work and sweating.  I always feel better after a good workout.

I ran to Food City on the way home, getting surgery (colon) prep supplies among other more tasty food items.  Dr. Midis said it wouldn't be as bad as prepping for a colonoscopy.  Just looking at the big bottle of MiraLax I am to mix with Powerade and drink all of it in 2-3 hours, makes me break out in a sweat.

Wednesday 7/24 - Before going out to the ranch, I made three phone calls and was now scheduled for a PET scan tomorrow afternoon.  I was told not to consume any sugar or carbohydrates 24 hours before the scan.  I looked up my options and realized this was going to be tough.

Once again I am driven crazy (actually swearing mad) by Blogger.  It will not let me move the below photo of Amiga up into this space.  So I have added typing (to vent and fill the space).

I met Susan and Bonnie and soon the farrier at the ranch (before 8:30).  After Cowboy got re-shod, I held Zorro for his usual trim.  Amiga was in her stall napping, but by the time I took this photo, she opened her eyes.  Once it was her turn, I had her shoes removed.  I plan to let her go barefoot and just be a 'pasture ornament' and hopefully we can both heal and get better over the next couple of months. 


Patty's last Gladiola, in the raised bed, blooming.



I was waiting to hear from the surgeon's office and finally got the call while I was in the chicken coop.  I will be having surgery Tuesday, July 30.  Yeehaw!  Now to be driven crazy with worries and doing the PET scan prep and then the colon prep on Monday. 





For lunch I had my leftover salad, with sugary dressing already on it, and that would be it for sugar and carbs until dinner time the following day.  😒

After some digesting time and a little nap I put on my new shirt and headed to the gym.  Wednesday is their 'pink shirt' day.  This is Greg, one of the workers who is always smiling, very positive, and a great motivator to us 'gym rats.'  He used to work patient transport at the hospital so has been very helpful preparing me for, explaining, and calming my fears about the different procedures.
I love the saying on the back of the shirt.

The Wellness Center (gym) is owned and run by Covenant Health, which also has several doctor offices (including Dr. Collins - my regular physician, Dr. Davidson, and Dr. Midis)  and hospitals (including Cumberland here in town and Fort Sanders in Knoxville).  So this makes communication among them all, much easier and more efficient. 

I had chicken with a little broccoli and spinach (even though they have a trace of sugar) for dinner, and then craved sweets and carbs the rest of the evening.

Patty sent this (video) of Cowboy and Amiga coming in at dinner time.  Zorro was already ahead of them and Banner was still out in the field.  You can see Amiga is sore on her front left and back right.  She had troubles with these two legs for the farrier, but this is the fastest I have seen her move in a while.

Thursday 7/25 - My Facebook account was hacked this morning, which really drives me crazy, and has driven me crazy before.  With the no carb or sugar diet, I fixed ground beef and eggs for breakfast.

Just after 8am I left for the ranch to give Amiga Previcox.  She had escaped her stall, darting past Nick before he could get the gate closed and she proceeded to run around the barn yard.  Hum, very unusual... was she avoiding medicine or just feeling better? 

A little later, Joe and I fixed the fencing at the upper paddock so the horses could go into the side pasture from the front pasture without having access to all of the clover in the upper paddock.

I thought I'd have to lead the horses through the opening, but when I called Zorro, he trotted right over, with Amiga and then Cowboy close behind.  Banner brought up the rear as usual.  They all slowed to get through the gate and fenced alleyway (video).  At the end of the video you can see how lush the clover is in the paddock.





Joe and I put shavings in the run-in shed and then he brought two scoops of crush run down to the barn. 

I directed the dumping of it and we both shoveled and raked to spread it out.  Hopefully this will take care of the slick mud we get right here after a hard rain. 

 

I went up to the house and did some work in the yard, mostly pulling weeds along the fence line.  By the time I finished, I noticed that the three amigos were working their way back towards the front pasture. 

Meanwhile, Banner was in his own little world, giving Denise a horse to watch. LOL



I didn’t have to rush home for lunch because starting at 10am, I was on a water only diet.

I hit Walmart at 1:00, on my way into town.  Then did my pre-surgery labs and check-in at the hospital here in town, which will send the info to Fort Sanders in Knoxville.  The EKG was no big deal (I was thinking I had to run on a treadmill or something).  The blood draw took two minutes and I was on my way.


I had gotten done at the hospital so quickly, that I ended up at the adjacent building (the imaging center) almost two hours early.  I told them I was just gonna sit and read my book.  Well, they ended up taking me in a half hour early because the patient in front of me was late.  The waiting room was in a building and then we went out the back door to the Mobile PET scanner.
I had done a good job of keeping my blood sugar down. It was at 90 when they tested it.  I was injected with radiation and then had a 45 minute wait until the scan.

This is exactly what the back scanning section of the truck looked like.  The scan was quick and easy.
I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a fruit drink waiting for me in the car, which I consumed on the drive home. 
Life was then back to normal with pet care, salad for dinner, and a 20 minute dog walk.
 

Friday 7/26 - I was up four times during the night, walking off leg cramps.  Changing my diet for the colonoscopy and scan preps seems to really screw up my gut and throw off my electrolytes.  I struggled falling back to sleep each time, and it didn't help that Joe was coughing and snoring occasionally.

Maggie and I startled this doe as we headed out the side door for our morning walk.

I made a quick trip to the ranch to give Amiga a Previcox, then dinked around doing a few other things, and stopped in at the house and got some pictures of the horses and our hydrangeas.  Two of the bushes are blue and one is pink.  Although the flowers on the pink bush (seen in second photo) have a blend of blue/purple/and pink.  The window boxes have not bloomed much all summer.





I made some calls, and answered a plethora of questions concerning my health (for surgery information at Ft. Sanders), and got even more instructions.  All these preps have driven me crazy. 

I had a great workout at the gym, except there was no time for the elliptical because I needed to get to work at the pool.  I don’t usually work Fridays, but Jackie and I had switched because of the tests I had on Thursday.

It was a very slow day at work, which I was thankful for, because I just had my mind elsewhere and wasn’t in the mood for cleaning up after a bunch of people.  And I even got to close the pool a half hour early because it started sprinkling and everybody was gone.  Driving onto Flossmoor, I saw these 'boys' across the street from our house.  The bachelor herd. 

My James Patterson novel has gotten really good, and I’ve made great progress on it with all the waiting time, so I went out on the porch to sit with Stevie and get through several more chapters of the story.

Since Joe was coughing even more, I decided to sleep in a guest bed, not wanting to expose myself to any germs he might have.  So I went up to bed early and finished my book.  This will enable me to have a new one to start with in the hospital.