Sidelined

I don’t think anybody likes being sidelined from the sports, activities, and/or hobbies they enjoy.  I thought I was prepared for this time of sitting out from riding, dancing, landscaping, working out at the gym, and hiking.  But just over a day of being home, recuperating, I was getting antsy.  Although my physical limitations along with pain, which restrict movement, have reminded me of the necessity to just chill out.  So I am taking one day at a time and trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle while healing from surgery.

At the start of this ordeal, back in early June, I was sidelined by an overworked healthcare system.  I quickly learned I shouldn't be a passive bystander, but needed to speak up and keep pushing for action.  Well, once the 'ball was rolling,' things moved quickly.  Recovering from surgery, now with the understanding that all the cancer was removed, gives me a totally different follow-up and outlook.

Saturday 8/3 - I might have 'overdone it' the day before, or maybe was just having a little set back, but got up feeling worse than when I had gone to bed.  I need to follow the example of my cats, who are experts at chill-axing.  And since I'm not going anywhere or doing anything, pet photos are about all I'll be taking.






At the ranch, more work on our drive from the road to our front gate was being done.  I had Joe get photos.  Tyler and Jeff had put in a new culvert pipe because the old one was about totally rusted out.  And today they trimmed the brush on both sides of the drive.

Then using our tractor and box blade, they moved and leveled the gravel on our drive.  It looks better now, but we'll have to wait until after a big gully washer to see how it holds up.

I tend to be a planner, organizer, and yeah, a bit of a controller.  So it’s really difficult for me to 'sit out' while wanting to partake in the 'goings on' at the ranch and here at home.  I realize that being sidelined is detrimental to my mental well-being, so finding somewhere else to put that energy can be super helpful.  Also, rushing the process won’t help me get back to normal sooner.  I need to listen closely to my body and move it in ways that encourage healing, especially as I'm recovering. 




Monita had been acting very odd while Karen was caring for the cats during my absence.  She would hide in the litter box, hissing and  growling, and not want to come out.  I'm guessing there had been another spat between her and Styx, because she had another sore by her eye.  In this photo she had at least come out of hiding, but was still seeking cover in the cat tunnel.

I ended up taking three long naps throughout the day.  I had decided to listen to my body and not try and push myself.  Mama Styx and then Babe resting with me while I read in bed. 

 




I had a little melt down at one point, getting frustrated with lack of communication with Joe, and then realized, I just need to let things go and stay seated on the sideline.

Karen came and cleaned litter boxes one last time, as I think Joe and I can manage it from here on out.  It was nice to briefly chat with her. 

It was early to bed with Tylenol PM as usual.

Sunday 8/4 - I woke feeling pretty good, and for the first time, felt like I was getting better.  I'd had ten hours of sleep, which I'm sure helped.  I was moving around fairly well and my pain was more tolerable.

I had Joe take this photo, to send to Courtney and Ava, who had made me this cute get well card. 

Through out the day, I moved from computer chair, to porch swing, to living room floor, to walking, to bed, and to doing light chores.  Mama Styx and Babe joined me on the porch while I read and kept Stevie company.

By middle afternoon (after I had done dishes, a load of laundry, watered plants, and with Joe's help - trash collection and litter boxes) I started feeling bad.  Maybe I overdid it.  But definitely, this was not unusual.  A site on colon surgery recovery said:  "You may feel like you have influenza, with a low grade fever, fatigue and feel nauseated. This is common."





It went on to say: "You should feel better after 1 to 2 weeks and will probably be back to normal in 2 to 4 weeks.  Your bowel movements may not be regular for several weeks.  Also, you may have some blood in your stool."  So I didn't panic, because I was having all these symptoms.  But I did go to bed early again, taking Tylenol PM.

Monday 8/5 - I was struggling with irritable bowels and a slight fever a few times overnight and upon rising at 4:30 am.  I'd actually been woken up by fox noises across the pond, heard from the upstairs bedroom window.  By the time I took this (video) they had pretty much quieted down. 

This photo of Donna and DJ dancing at the Grove yesterday was one of many posted on Facebook this morning.  I hope to be off the sideline soon, and out dancing with all my friends.

It was a long day at sitting on the sidelines and I was feeling no better, if not worse.  I had diarrhea and increased gas and discomfort, but at least my bowels were moving and not backed up.  


Stevie and I napping on the porch swing.



Patty sent this photo she had taken during evening chores.  When you’re sitting on the sidelines, it seems nothing changes for you except the game going on, that you’re watching, but unable to participate in. 

Joe and I watched Olympic diving he had taped and I went up to bed just after 7pm.
 

Tuesday 8/6 - Karen took extra time to care for Amiga during chores last night, and sent me this photo.  

My external sutures and abdominal muscles were feeling much better when I got up, but I was hit with a bout of diarrhea for over two hours that was uncomfortable.  But then things (my bowels) settled down for the rest of the day.  I was getting tired of sitting around, and missing my usual routine, the things I used to be able to eat (raw fruits, veggies, nuts and whole grains) and my old (former) body that was feeling much older lately. 

I did cook lean, tender chicken in the crock pot with a few veggies and cream of chicken soup.  It was a nice change in pace from all the bland, white foods I'd been eating... and a step up in my diet.  I was also feeling up to some light (very light) exercise using one pound hand weights to do various arm exercises.  And my walks were completed with a little more vim and vigor. 

This sweet family (of four) had come for the night to stay in the ranch house.  The two girls were on their way to a vaulting (gymnastics on horseback) competition in NC.
 

Wednesday 8/7 - The days are all starting to blur into one long stent of sitting around, feeling good and then bad, but progressively getting better.  I thought Stevie had been doing better, not leaking fecal liquid for three or four days, but today she made several little messes out on the porch.

Monita napping by my compyter. 

Mid morning I had gone to the pool, really needing to get out of the house and socialize for a bit.  It was lovely, although too hot to stay for more than an hour.  I had 'waded in' the pool on the steps, and went a little too deep, forgetting about the one 'hole' from surgery that was well below my wasted waist line.  

After chicken and mash potatoes for lunch and a walk around the block, I took a deep-sleep nap for well over an hour out on the swing with Stevie.  By the time I woke, Joe had made it to Courtney's. 

 








They were going to an outdoor concert in Franklin, TN and I would just live vicariously through them. 





Even if I was feeling up to it, I wouldn't have wanted to go to the concert because it's not my thing, unless there is plenty of room for dancing and the band plays good dance tunes. 
The Bucket hat Joe won.

I made tuna/egg salad for dinner and during our evening walk, Rose showed up.  It was so good to see her, after over three weeks.
 
I was up later than I have been since surgery, and read for quite awhile, but couldn't quite finish my book before getting too sleepy.

Thursday 8/8 - Mid morning I joined Stevie out on the porch swing and finished my James Patterson book.  Dr. Midis' nurse called to see how I was doing, one week after coming home from the hospital.  I mentioned one of the glue spots over a small incision starting to come off, and was told to leave it alone.  Later I put first aid tape over it so my shirt quits pulling at the edge. 
I was troubled by one thing she said, regarding the MSI-H cancer type which I have.  It is much more likely to recur and the path report stated that two polyps were also removed.  So it looks like I will be on the annual colonoscopy plan from here on out.  😰 
I had forgotten to ask when I can start easing into a diet of more roughage, but I do see Dr. Midis a week from today.

I have been working on this jigsaw puzzle, which is very slow going because it is kind of difficult.  I feel like my eyesight is worse and wonder if anesthesia affects that also.  Today I did notice that the abdominal discomforts that I had with the tumor, are no longer a problem, so that gave me renewed hope. 

It was a warm, muggy day and the walks were making me hot.  But I did increase my distance and went a mile, feeling pretty good.  After dinner (Joe grilled hamburgers and hash browns and I added cooked green beans to the menu) I walked another mile to aid digestion.  Rose was waiting for us when we got home.
 

Friday 8/9 - I have become the master napper.  I started a new James Patterson book, got sleepy, and laid down with a pillow blocking the sun from my eyes.  I took this selfie trying to show the cat sleeping on my back but only got a small part of her in the photo. 


It is nice to have Rose back.  I sat with her out on the deck for awhile. 







Joe met tonight's over-nighters at the ranch at 1:30.  They had driven down from KY with six horses and were on their way to the rodeo in Cookville, and wouldn't be back until very late tonight.  They got their horses off the trailer for awhile to let them stretch. 




Notice the cowboy is using a hoverboard to lead the horses up the drive to the upper paddock.  What a great way to get around at the fairgrounds and here. 









This palomino's white tail is covered to keep it looking pretty before the show. 
Rose napping out back after dinner.


Joe's poker game did not come to fruition so he was home for dinner.  We each had our own leftovers.  Then we watch Olympics (mostly diving) together for awhile.

We had put flea/tick medicine on each of the four cats the day before, because they have been scratching and I have been getting bug bites.  Well, while reading in bed, I found 4 dead and 1 barely alive flea on the off white sheet on my bed that Mama Styx was laying on.  Now I had the heebie-jeebies.  I had skipped my Tylanol PM (which I feel I need to wean myself from) but ended up finally taking one at 10:30 because I couldn't get to sleep.  Ughh!

Lasts

Most of us don’t know when we’ll take our last breath.  It is up to our maker to decide.  And we don’t usually realize when our loved ones will take their last breath.  We kind of go through life assuming there will be more breaths to take, love to give, time to spend, food to eat, drinks to consume, and more of everything else we enjoy doing.  I don’t mean this blog to sound morbid, because like birth, death is all part of life.

It is sad to realize that all good things come to an end, but hopeful to also know, bad things don't last forever. 

Usually we don’t know when something is our last, especially when an accident or health issue causes us to no longer be able to do the things we enjoy doing.  When might it be our last ride, last time behind the wheel, last dance, last poker game, last participation in a sport, or last chance to see someone or some place or event?

Other times, we do know that it's our last.  We celebrate some lasts... (day of school, house payment, or cancer treatment) and feel sad over other lasts... (day of vacation, leaving a well loved house or neighborhood we are moving away from, etc.)

The reason most of us fight to stay alive is so we can continue doing the things we enjoy, so we can continue being with the people we love, so we can continue to work at what we feel is worthwhile, to fulfill our dreams, or pursue a cause.  But because nothing lasts forever, we need to enjoy it while we can.  In a way, this was a week of lasts for the things I enjoy, but hopefully only temporary.  I pray it is the last I see of (or have to deal with) cancer, but realize the battle will continue a while longer.
 

Saturday 7/27 - It was my last day to do ranch chores for awhile. 

I truly love the early mornings out at the ranch.  The serene atmosphere and tranquility that gives me peace and some quiet time with God.

 




I brought Amiga into the barn and let the boys out on the side (and front) pastures. 

I got Amiga ready to go, on what would be our last ride together for quite awhile. 

I had shut the paddock gate to the front pasture and opened paddock gates to the back pasture and barnyard area.  This enabled me to ride (bareback) without dismounting, into and around the paddock and back pasture.

Amiga felt so much better than she has recently.  Was it because I had her on Previcox again, had pulled her shoes and had her barefoot, or was the Osteo-Max starting to work?  Maybe a little of each. 








I then rode into the back pasture, perusing it (video).  Maggie kept close tabs on Amiga and I.

I was especially looking at fence line, making note of areas that needed repair, like this spot pictured below.













As we came around back towards the paddock, Maggie decided to go to the pond for a morning swim and drink.  The day was starting to heat up.

Joe had been mowing, and then joined me to do some work together. 





We spent quite a bit of time cleaning up, lengthening, and improving the ditch along the drive.  We dumped the extra dirt in a low spot around the maple tree in the front pasture.  And Joe hauled a little more gravel to a few low spots on the drive along the ditch.  Then we removed manure from the easy access piles where it gets dumped daily, to the middle back of the dam.

After Joe left, I took an early lunch break so I could be digested and ready for the gym later.  

Then I finished trimming fence line and roots from the ditch but left the pile for later so I could get going.

Once at the gym, I did a leg workout and a whole hour on the elliptical.  (Things I have skipped lately because of time constraints.)

Then I returned to the ranch to finish up things I hadn't gotten to.  I used the riding mower to pull the wagon I filled with debris, and dumped it behind the dam. 

At the house, I made beds in preparation for a family with two kids that are coming to our Air B&B/Horse Hotel in a week, to stay overnight with their horse. 

This interesting looking duck (I think it's one of Jem's) was on the side pond, and the horses were all back in the shed napping when I left to come home about 6:00.

I had eaten a big tossed salad for lunch, but was now switching to a 'softer' diet.  The protein powder in Greek Yogurt was horrible.  I choked down what I could, not wanting to waste it.  I did a potato chip chaser (only five chips and chewed them well) to get the other awful flavor out of my mouth. 
What a very busy day it had been. I worked hard all day and felt great because I accomplished so much and hard work just makes me feel better, versus sitting around doing nothing.

Sunday 7/28 - It was my last day of working at the pool (this summer).  We were supposed to have a pool party, but it was cancelled due to the iffy weather.

I had met Shirley at Church and then ran to Food City to pick up food I suspect I will need to be eating right after surgery. 

I went to work a little early to relieve Jackie because it had rained once and looked like more was coming, so I figured I'd be closing early.  I was right... it was a very slow shift and I was home before 4pm.

Patty had chores and sent this photo of a big limb down.  As you can see, there are more that may follow.  She also reported that Amiga didn't look too sore at feeding time.
 






I had kept to a 'thick' liquid diet all day, with cream soups, milk, vitamin water, and another try at the Greek Yogurt with chocolate protein powder, after putting it in the freezer for a bit.  It was still awful.  I was really missing my veggies, fruits, nuts, and whole grains.  It has been so long since I have had beer and popcorn (don't even remember the last time) that I don't even miss them anymore.
 

Monday 7/29 - I wish I could say this would be my last colon prep, but suspect there will be several more in my future.😭

Before starting the whole ordeal of cleaning out my colon, I made one last trip to the gym.  I was there from 5:15- 7am.  I felt great, and had more energy than usual, probably because I hadn't yet wore my self out from daily activities.  I even did an extra pull-up, hitting a total of six, which I haven't been able to do since the elbow injuries.









By about 1pm, after my bowels had settled down enough to feel safe getting farther from the bathroom, I went out on the deck to sun for a little bit.  Maggie joined me, but wisely chose the shade to nap in.

Throughout the day, I got great encouragement and well wishes; by way of phone calls, text messages, e-mails, and even some cards in the mail.  I am so humbled by and thankful for all of you and your outpouring of love.  Your prayers and positive comments have been so helpful.  Studies show that feeling cared about buffers against stress, increases positive emotions, promotes healing, and increases caring for others.  Plus, it feels darn good.

Tuesday 7/30 - Surgery day.  At last, I was finally going to get rid of this tumor that has been a thorn in my side, almost literally.  Hopefully this is the last I’ll see of cancer, but not the last of doing the activities that I really enjoy doing.

This is the drawing Dr. Midis made over the picture, showing what part of my colon he was planning to remove, including the lymph nodes attached to that section.  The dark circle is where the tumor is located.
 

Prepped and ready for surgery.



I woke from anesthesia, already in my hospital room with Joe there waiting.  As I became more cognitive, I also became more aware of my discomfort.  I was in a lot of pain, until I got additional pain meds.  It still hurt quite a bit, but it was definitely an improvement. 
Joe and I watched the Olympics all afternoon, with me sleeping a fair amount and Joe taking a nap.  I was wishing I could have beer and popcorn for dinner; instead of chicken broth, juice and popsicle.   

Wednesday 7/31 - Last of July.  I had made it through the night, waking every time they took my vitals or gave me more meds.







I took my first walk of the day at about 4am.  I needed to get rid of gas and get my intestines going again.  

Trying to keep my hospital gown (X-Large) covering my derriere while also pushing my pole with IV liquids and urine collection bag, was a challenge.  Besides, I was still a little wobbly on my legs.

Well, I talked the nurse into removing my bladder catheter mid -morning, and she also took me off the IV drip.  Freedom at last. 
So I changed into street clothes and went on another walk.  I was in a brain fog, and kept getting lost and forgetting my room number.



I took several more walks throughout the day.  On one walk, heading back to the room, I walked right into the wrong room.  Luckily the person was in the bathroom with the door shut and never knew I had dropped in.  Joe arrived right after lunch bringing me beautiful roses.  He hung out with me all afternoon.




Joe even took a walk with me.  We had the Olympics on, but I didn't tune into it much, because it was all team sports.  I read and computerized.  We also both napped.

Sorry to gross any of you out, but here is how my belly looks.  It kind of appears like I got hit by sniper fire.  I realize that's not something to joke about though.  And these wounds are nothing, (much less serious) compared to war injuries.

I talked with Britney on the phone just before my bedtime.

Thursday 8/1 - Where did the summer go?  I can't believe it is already August.

I graduated from clear liquids yesterday and am now on a soft food diet.  Look at what came for breakfast.  I was so excited to be able to eat this.  However, I barely got half of it down. 

My friend posted this on Facebook today.  I hope I can (through my experience with cancer) better understand others with their battles, be more compassionate, and be able to comfort others.

 

Dr. Midis dropped in to see how I was doing, and said I'd probably be able to go home today.  We were waiting to see how I handled the soft food diet, and for me to poop.  Well, the food was great and didn't cause any repercussions, and I finally pooped.

We waited for Dr. Midas to come tell us how the path report was, and then what follow-up treatment (immunotherapy or chemo) would be needed. 
My big lunch of turkey, dressing, and green beans. 

Again, I could only get half of it down.  And then Dr. Midis came in, just as I was calling it quits on lunch.
He gave us fantastic news: There was no cancer in my lymph nodes or even in the subserosa of my colon.  My cancer was at stage 1 according to the surgical pathology report.  Three doctors told us, based on the initial biopsy report that it appeared to be in the subserosa, which is stage 2.  And later the CAT scan showed possible liver and lymph node involvement.  Then the PET scan confirmed that it was in the lymph nodes but not the liver, which is stage 3.  The prayers brought me this miracle.
 

I believe in the power of prayer and have seen and heard of many healing miracles.  But for it to happen to me… I struggled with believing it was possible.  I just didn’t think I had enough faith or was worthy of God’s grace.  Pastor Sharon from our church reminded me that the beautiful thing about God's grace and miracles, is we don't have to earn them.



I guess it isn't unusual for us to find ourselves surrounded by doubt, fear, or insignificance.  I truly believe God healed the part of me necessary.  The tumor had to be removed regardless of its classification, but if it had spread, treatment and outcome would have been different.  I am amazed by God and humbled by all the offers of help and well wishes from family, friends, and co-workers.  The answered prayers are such a blessing to me, and I am so thankful. 




Dr. Midis went on to say that probably no follow-up treatment would be necessary.  Yippee.  But we'll wait and see what my oncologist Dr. Davidson recommends.  Dr. Midis released me to go home, and would write up the discharge order.  So Joe and I packed up while we waited.  Evidently, there were several patients getting released, so it was a bit of a wait (well over an hour). 

Soon we were on the road.  Brooke sent this photo of Amiga at feeding time to let me know my horse had eaten all her food. 😊

We stopped in at the ranch first because Joe needed to get the box blade on the tractor, so it would be ready to go for Tyler first thing in the morning.

In this photo of Wanda, it almost looks like she has a green eye and a yellow eye.  As always, she thought she needed feeding, but Brooke had taken care of her. 

Once home, I trimmed the roses and got them into a vase. 
 

Then I checked in on all my fur babies.

It had been a big day and I was fairly exhausted, so I went to bed early.
 

Friday 8/2 - I slept well, having taken a Tylenol PM.  I was feeling pretty good, although moving very slowly because of the tenderness and soreness.  I can tell my body has been through some trauma.  But this feeling of weakness, bloating, poor appetite, and foul taste in my mouth won't last long I hope. 

All my fur babies seemed happy to have me home, and hung around with me here at my desk.

I am trying to eat more, but my stomach is still a tad irritated. (I think it's from two colon preps in less than six weeks.)  Also the soft foods, low fiber diet are not my preference.  I want my raw fruits, veggies, nuts, and whole grains.

I changed out of my PJs to help get me up and moving.  (When we wear loungers, we tend to lounge around.) 

Still feeling the residual effects of anesthesia and the strong pain meds, in addition to all the gas in my abdominal cavity, I knew walking would help.  So I took Maggie for a walk around the block every 2 or 3 hours.

I had been given a stronger pain med prescription, but chose to just use Tylenol, which was keeping me comfortable. 




I did go to my patient portal to read my surgical pathology report.  This is what I noted from the seven page document:
Specimen Type: Right hemicolectomy with terminal ileum and appendix.  Removed 3.1 cm of the ileum and 16.3 cm of right colon.
Tumor size - 5.8 x 4.0 cm.  Invades into inner one half of muscularis propria.  Surgical Margins: Negative for malignancy.
51 lymph nodes examined, zero with metastatic carcinoma.
There were two polyps in the section of colon that was removed.

Joe surprised me with this cap he had ordered,  which came in the mail today.  I had told him if I had chemo, I would chop off my pony tail first, and attach it to a ball cap, and wear it so I didn't appear bald.  I hope and pray that the surgery is the only treatment necessary and that this is the last of cancer for me.